The Things We Give Up

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things we give up. Nothing voluntary, not like, "I'm giving up carbs." More like, "I always wanted to be an aunt and now I'm giving that up," or "I always thought my life would end up with XYZ, so now I need to be okay with ABC instead."

I'm an only child. My only chance for aunt-hood would be to marry someone with siblings. Even then, though, it's not guaranteed, is it? When I was born, I had 1 aunt by blood, 2 by marriage, 1 by lengthy relationship that everyone assumed was leading to marriage, and 1 by family friendship (we all have that one aunt, right? The "My Aunt Mel...well, she's not really my aunt, she's just my mom's best friend" aunt).

Long story short, only one is really still there for me (the one by blood).

Anyway, I was in a terrible relationship for a few years, but I held onto the fact that I was dating a guy with a slightly younger brother. Surely he was my shot at being someone's aunt, right?!

In hindsight...Ew. No.

Many years (and quite a few therapy sessions) later, I'm in a wonderful relationship and the girl I'm now dating (yes, girl...that's probably a post for another day) has a sister! Perfect!

But there's a catch. (Isn't there always a catch?)

The sister is 7 years older than my girlfriend. Which means, she's already had her kids. A 15 year old boy, a 13 year old girl, and a 10 year old girl. I wasn't there for any of it. I missed the excitement of the births, I missed the milestones, and now they're mostly teenagers who don't know why there's a random woman coming to family functions with their aunt (the boy doesn't even know my name--I'm sure of it). The 10 year old adores me. But the other catch? She doesn't realize I'm dating her aunt. She asked me once if I had a husband. That was awkward.

So, if this relationship is leading to marriage (I have an engagement ring hidden in my jewelry box; I'm just waiting for the right moment), I've missed the chance to really be an aunt. And it's small in the grand scheme of things. It's a blip on the radar. People who get to do it don't even realize how incredible it looks to someone like me. But it's something I pined for. I thought my aunts hung the moon when I was a kid. I wanted to be that for someone else.

It's not enough to base a relationship on and it's certainly not enough to lose a great relationship over. So...I give it up. I get to watch my girlfriend (who's an amazing aunt, by the way--I think she hung the moon sometimes too when she's with those kids) be the aunt that I can't be. Even if I do get the title, when you're not there from the beginning...it's just not the same. I have a new aunt who came into the family a couple years ago. I forget about her having that title. That's going to be me.

We give things up as we grow up. And it's really hard to shift your worldview like that. I've had a few world-shifting moments in my life and I think I'm pretty adaptable to change, but this one thing is really sticking for me. I don't know how to just throw away something that I've longed for so deeply.

But I'm gonna figure it out.